Duck Duck Moose
by Lucky-Angel135
Summary: Giggles has been given the worst news of her fifty plus lives so far. Lumpy, the blue monster/walking environmental hazard, has put the moves on her mother claiming they will be a happy family. Yeah, over her dead body. Or bodies...
1. Chapter 1

Um, hello! First story for this fandom, although we've been lurking for awhile! There are a lot of great writers here. So, here's our contribution. A silly story full of betrayal and gore! Yeah, this is hideous, but we hope you enjoy! This story will be a three-shot with Giggles' attempts to thwart Lumpy's happiness. Hope you like it!

**Disclaimer:** Happy Tree Friends all belong to Mondo Media.

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This had to be a joke.

There was no way something this horrible would happen.

"Giggles, honey? What do you think?" her mother questioned, expression anxious. Giggles merely gave two slow blinks, opened and closed her mouth once, then promptly burst into laughter.

"Oh, _ha ha_ Mom, that's _soo_ funny," she broke off to laugh some more, unable to contain it. This had to be a joke, a sick one, but one that she could appreciate. However, her mother didn't join in and her mouth remained a downward arc. At her mother's solemn expression, Giggles' laughter died down into nervous chuckling. "Oh, you…aren't laughing." She let out a deep breath and muttered, "I am so uncomfortable right now."

"Now dear, I know this is a shock but—"

"We'll be a big, happy family and stuff!" Lumpy exclaimed over her, wrapping and arm around Giggles' Mom's shoulders. Giggles felt her bottom left eyelid twitch involuntarily. By everything that was sweet and sacred this had to be some kind of joke. She waited for something to confirm this, the big laugh, all of her friends jumping out of a hiding place to shout "April Fools!" or…or _something_, but it never came. She just continued looking from Lumpy's crooked grin to her mother's tentative smile, dumbstruck and disturbed.

Her mother and _Lumpy?_

Her sweet, kind, innocent mother and…_Lumpy? _

"Sweetheart, say something, you're scaring me," her mother prompted. Giggles opened her mouth, but all that came out was an incoherent noise that sounded like a cross between a whine and a groan. Her mother looked nervously at Lumpy, who let out the loudest, most obnoxious laugh Giggles ever heard spew from his mouth.

"Hey, Giggles, I guess this means you get to call me Da—"

She screamed before he could finish, then ran up to her room with no intention of coming out until this nightmare was over.

Later after the news sank in she found herself sobbing into her phone, knees curled to her chest with a garden of empty ice cream containers and chocolate wrappers growing steadily around her.

"Cuddles, it's terrible!" she wailed before taking another large bite out of a chocolate bar. She didn't even taste it as she chewed, too miserable to even comprehend she had eaten a good third of her body weight already.

"Aw, it can't be that bad," Cuddles replied.

"My mother is dating Lumpy!_ Lumpy!_" she screeched angrily before bursting into tears again, images of the horrible blue moose doing…_things_ to her mother floating through her mind. She shuttered and nearly felt the urge to puke.

"So? Lumpy is a nice guy. He needs love too, ya know?" Giggles couldn't believe what she was hearing. Cuddles was condoning this sinful union? She thought out of everyone she could turn to her _boyfriend _would understand.

"H-How can you say that?" she demanded. "Lumpy…he's killed us so many times! Painfully, I might add!"

"So has Flippy, but you don't seem to hold anything against him," Cuddles pointed out. "He does it on purpose too."

"_Flippy_ is an emotionally traumatized wreck who at least makes it up to his friends and apologizes for when he loses control of his actions. _Lumpy_ is an idiot who talks to lettuce and pretends to be too stupid to remember he did anything wrong!" Giggles nearly shouted. "And _Flippy _isn't dating my mother!"

"Ew, could you imagine?" Cuddles questioned, giggling a bit. "At least your mom and Lumpy are the same height!" Giggles gritted her teeth in frustration at his immaturity, but then froze as she spotted her reflection in the mirror by her bed. That alone nearly made her start crying incoherently again. She looked as awful as she felt, her red bow wilted and her pink fur messy with tears and chocolate stains. Her lips began to quiver as a lump rose in her throat. "Giggles? Giggles, are you alright?"

"No, I'm not alright," she answered, still staring at her desolate reflection. "I'm not going to be alright for a very long time, Cuddles." She heard a sigh from the other end.

"I don't understand what the major malfunction is here. So Lumpy and your mom are together, so what? They're happy. Why is that such a bad thing?" Again, Giggles felt her anger rise.

"No, she isn't happy with him! She's lonely that's all! Lonely! Lumpy is an idiot who doesn't deserve her! He's greedy, stupid, disgusting, and doesn't care at all about the environment or about anyone else for that matter!"

"Hey, that's not true! Lumpy cares about all of us!" Cuddles argued. Giggles couldn't help but feel horribly betrayed by the defensive tone in the rabbit's voice. He was supposed to be on her side no matter what! He was meant to be her shoulder to cry on and here he was defending a practically brain dead moose! Some boyfriend he was.

"Lumpy is the one that gets us killed!"

"On accident mostly! I know there was that time around Christmas he killed Toothy and sold everyone his body parts, but nobody's perfect! He made a mistake! You should give him a break!"

"I can't believe what I'm hearing!" Giggles exclaimed. "He purposely kills your best friend, sells us his body parts, never apologizes and _you're _telling _me _to give him a break? Seriously Cuddles, what are you on?"

"So? It's not like Toothy died for good and Lumpy has done a lot of great things for us!"

"Oh, like what?"

"He saved Flaky from a sea of chicks when we went to the zoo."

"He gave her a balloon made from your eyeball! She was so traumatized she could do nothing but shake and whimper for two months!"

"He took us on that field trip."

"He killed Petunia and crashed the bus! I remember we were trapped on an island for months!"

"He gave Flippy therapy."

"The poor guy ended up hallucinating, beat himself up all over town, and then got hit by a chicken truck!"

"He helped direct our Christmas play."

"The building exploded!"

"He tries, okay!" Cuddles finally snapped. Giggles was taken aback and looked at the receiver as if it had just bitten her ear. "In case you didn't notice, Lumpy isn't all there in the head, but he still tries his best to make things fun for us all, and he's one of the best friends a guy could ask for!"

"I can't believe you," she said lowly. "Why are you so intent to stand up for him?"

"Because he's my friend and you're being really unfair, Giggles." Giggles scoffed at this. Of course Lumpy was Cuddles' friend. Everybody in town was Cuddles' friend. Yet the fact he would choose any one of them over her was what hurt the most and it upset her even more than this whole Lumpy business.

"Moose and chipmunks don't mix," she said shakily, taking deep breaths to keep from sobbing.

"Then I guess rabbits and chipmunks don't either." There was a click and a dial tone. Giggles stared stupidly at her ugly reflection for a moment in disbelief. The yellow moron had the nerve to hang up on her in her hour of need! She slammed the receiver on the hook and laid back in her bed, biting back another round of sobbing.

Oh, Lumpy was going to pay for this. He was going to pay big time for every lake he polluted, every tree he cut down, every one of her friends he killed, for turning Cuddles against her and for putting the moves on her angelic mother. The moose had it coming. With an uncharacteristic malicious glint in her eye she reached for the phone again.

"Hello?" the sleepy voice answered after the third ring. Giggles froze up for a minute, thinking of what she was about to ask. It really wasn't very nice, but, she reasoned with herself, this was important. "Look, if this is Mime, I'm sorry about the other day. On the bright side though, your fire juggling skills have improved. Tap the phone once if you forgive me?"

"Flippy, it's me."

"Petunia? Look, sorry about Saturday. I know that gardening trophy meant a lot to you, but I'm sure Sniffles can remove it from your—"

"It's not Petunia," Giggles interrupted impatiently. Although Petunia was her best friend they sounded nothing alike, and quite frankly she didn't want to picture where exactly Flippy had put that trophy.

"F-Flaky?" he stuttered, suddenly becoming nervous. "Uh, about the whole shoving a lawnmower down your throat…I uh—"

"It's not Flaky either," she growled through clenched teeth. There was silence on the other end for a moment. By what was left of her sanity, this couldn't be that hard. It wasn't like there were a whole lot of girls running around town. Finally Flippy spoke again, only his tone was hushed and seemingly amazed.

"Did you find your voice, Mime? I never thought you were a girl! Who knew gurgling gasoline could—"

"It's Giggles!" she yelled, her heart racing and her fingers tightening around the receiver.

"Ow," Flippy groaned weakly on the other end. Apparently her yell had been more of a shrill shriek. "Sorry, it's just you never call, so I don't know your voice over the phone." She didn't bother with replying to the statement.

"I need your help," she said, instead cutting right to the chase.

"Sure, what do you need?" Again she felt a guilty pang in her stomach. She really didn't like taking advantage of people, and she knew Flippy was always eager to help a friend in need. Still, after all the trouble he caused, intentionally or not, it was the least he could do. It wasn't her fault he owed everyone in town at least a dozen favors.

"I need you to meet me tomorrow at my house."

"Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean the last time you, Lammy, and Petunia invited me over of a tea party I lit your house of fire, shoved all three of you on a giant stick and roasted you over the flames like a giant shishkabob." Giggles flinched at the memory of said stick being thrust through her torso and how she and her friends screamed in agony as the fire consumed them. Of course when they reincarnated the next day, Flippy had apologized with a face so sad it was impossible to stay angry at him, but the memory was terrible. Maybe he was right and it really wasn't a good idea, especially with what she was planning.

"Yes, this is important. Like I said, I need your help," Giggles said firmly, pushing the memory away. "Besides, I trust you."

"Ugh, no pressure then, thanks," Flippy muttered sarcastically before sighing in obvious defeat. "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yes, and thank you." She hung up with satisfaction. Lumpy was going down if it was the last thing she ever did.

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Well, I wonder what she will be up to? Review if it so pleases ya! I shall give you cookies and funnel cake! :D


	2. Chapter 2

Yay! Thank you for all the welcoming reviews! They made me happy! :D Also, just a warning there will be MILD onesided FlippyxFlaky, but it's for comedic purposes. You'll see what I mean ;D Phew, this is a long chapter though! Thank you to, **Kenikitten, KiraraNamidachi** (we're happy to find you love HTF too!),** Codebreak82, TOSTRwaffles, ForgottenSoldier, Crazypunkchic208,** and **VioletsAreBlack.**

We hope you guys enjoy!

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"No offense, Giggles, but this has 'bad idea' written all over it," her best friend Petunia warned. "I mean, Flippy is a sweetheart, don't get me wrong, but he's kinda, oh, I don't know, _insane?" _Giggles let out a frustrated sigh. She knew Petunia would be against it as soon as she told her the plan, but she needed to confide in someone, and since Cuddles was being a major jerk wad, Petunia was her obvious choice. "Besides, I don't think it's fair to use him this way. It's not very nice, and really unlike you." The disapproval in her friend's voice hurt almost as much as Cuddles defending Lumpy instead of taking her side.

"I need to do this. For my mother's sake," Giggles replied firmly. The chipmunk and skunk were sitting on the swing set in what most of the friends dubbed Hell's Playground, due to the sheer numbers of deaths and injuries the seemingly innocent equipment caused. Giggles herself couldn't keep count of how many times this very swing set had maimed her.

"Look, I know your upset about this whole Lumpy thing, but I think you need to take a step back and think about it."

_Petunia, ever the voice of reason_, Giggles thought with a mixture of annoyance and fondness. They weren't best friends for nothing. Giggles had long accepted the fact that Petunia was the more mature one of their duo.

"I have thought about it," she said. "This is the only way." The blue skunk gave her a doubtful look, her tail twitching. It was a tic she developed whenever she had something on her mind, and Giggles prepared herself for an unwanted lecture. As much as Petunia was her best friend, the skunk had a tendency to want to mother her as well. However, before Petunia could say anything, Flippy finally arrived, panting and covered with blood. Nothing unusual there, and it might even come in handy for what she had in mind. Giggles sent out a quick prayer of thanks for the bear's timely arrival.

"Sorry, I'm late," he apologized. "There was a bus crash, then fire, children screaming and then certain body parts were flying about and—"

"That's great, Flippy!" Giggles interrupted cheerfully, ignoring the glare she earned from Petunia. "Sorry for changing locations on you, but I don't want my mom to know quite yet."

"Know what?" Flippy asked, tilting his head curiously. There was that guilty twinge again. Even though Flippy was mentally unstable, he was still her friend, and what she was about to ask wasn't fair to him. She looked over her shoulder at Petunia, who had her arms crossed, her expression anything but approving.

"That," she began hesitantly, twiddling her fingers. "That you're my boyfriend now." Flippy blinked a few times before opening his mouth and closing it, clearly not expecting this.

"Um, I'm flattered?" he finally replied almost hesitantly. The statement was slightly questioning and it was clear he was searching that damaged mind of his for a way to reject her without hurting her feelings.

_Flippy, ever the philanthropist_, she thought quite bitterly, the irony not lost to her_. He and Petunia should form a club._

"Still, I'm not sure—"

"Before you say anything," Giggles said hurriedly over him, "you won't really be my boyfriend. We just need to pretend. You see, that _creature, _Lumpy, has seduced my poor mother and I need to give her an ultimatum." Flippy looked sincerely shocked and even a little disturbed.

"Hold on, what?"

"I had the same reaction," Petunia commented from her place on the swing. "Giggles' Mom is dating Lumpy."

"How…?" he began before he faltered, obviously not sure how to phrase his question. Giggles still got the gist of what he was asking and placed her hands on her cheeks in anguish.

"I don't know! I just found out last night!" she wailed. She fixated the bear with her signature 'save me' look, which never failed to get any male eating out of the palm on her hands. "Flippy, please, help me with this. Lumpy, h-he wants me to call him_… Dad._" The last word nearly made her fur bristle and she added her cute pout for extra emphasis. Still, Flippy looked hesitant.

"Giggles, I don't know. What about Cuddles? Is he going to be okay with this?"

"Yeah, Giggles, is he?" Petunia added. Giggles merely grit her teeth. Why was everyone against her?

"Cuddles is a jerk!" she yelled, stomping her foot. "And an insensitive one at that."

"Not that this has anything to do with anything, but how is me pretending to be your boyfriend going to separate your mom and Lumpy?" Flippy questioned. Giggles took a deep breath to calm herself before she began to explain.

"Easy. You're crazy, dangerous, and my mother is bound to hate you." Flippy blinked slowly and deliberately. Such an innocently bewildered look on a face splattered with the blood of children was an oxymoron if Giggles ever saw one. "I thought about Nutty, but he wouldn't be interested in helping me unless I was a lollypop. Then I pondered Lifty or Shifty, but they wouldn't help unless there was something in it for them and even then they'd probably ransack my house. I thought about the possibility of pretending to be bi-curious and claim that I was with Lammy, but she was as horrified about the idea as I'm sure my Mom would have been. So, that left me with picking someone utterly off of their rocker and repulsive, yet nice enough to help me out of the goodness of their cold, miserable, little black hole of a heart. In other words, you."

"Wow, could you have said it any nicer?" Flippy asked, a tilt of sarcasm in his voice.

"Anyway, in her love for me, she will want me to break up with you! However, I'll tell her I won't unless she dumps the moose," Giggles concluded. "Simple." Plus there was the added fact of sticking it to Cuddles, but that wasn't important. "I thought about simply getting him killed, but that wouldn't do. He'd just come back the next day. So, it's time for some heartbreak warfare! She has to choose between my well-being and Lumpy." She stood determined, meeting Flippy's eyes. "So what do you say? Flippy, tender-hearted, crazy, psychotic, Flippy, will you be my fake boyfriend?"

"You really are a bag of niceness, aren't you?" Flippy asked, his voice monotone. He obviously was not impressed with Giggles' description of him. Giggles' lower lip trembled. Was he going to say no? In a last ditch effort to sway him, she fell to the ground and hugged his feet tears spilling out of her eyes. She wouldn't have Lumpy for a father, she wouldn't! She refused to think of the awful things he would do to her mother both in the death spectrum and the adult spectrum she didn't even want to touch.

"Please, Flippy!" she begged. "Please, help me! My life and my mother's will be ruined if Lumpy stays with her! Please, you're my only hope!"

"I don't know," Flippy answered, rubbing the back of his head as he looked down at her uncomfortably. "This feels wrong. I mean, what if Lumpy makes your mom happy?"

"I assure you, he doesn't," she said flatly, her tears magically drying.

"But what about Cuddles?"

"He's not important," she dismissed, getting up off the ground and ignoring the sudden lump in her throat. "Besides, you owe me ever since that plane incident at Lumpyland." Flippy flinched, not exactly remembering the incident itself, but the aftermath. He'd come out of his blackout to find the theme park's plane ride drenched in gore. He sighed miserably. He had to chase off Petunia's various stalkers and accompany Disco Bear to his Pilates classes for a week to make amends for that one. He was also reminded he still had yet to make it up to Giggles, meaning he was sort of stuck between a rock and hard place.

"You have a point," he admitted grudgingly.

"Then it's settled. As Petunia as my witness, we are together in the eyes of this town!" Giggles declared triumphantly, hooking her arm around Flippy's.

"Gee, I never had a fake girlfriend before," Flippy admitted. "I guess it might be fun."

"Just don't stare longingly at Flaky and I'm sure you two will have the town fooled!" Petunia said with mock enthusiasm.

"I don't anyway!" Flippy snapped a little bit too defensively.

"Uh huh, ever since she told us about that hitch hiking adventure you two had, you've been staring after her like a lost puppy."

"Well, from now on, he's going to be too busy staring at me," Giggles said matter-of-factly. Teasing Flippy about his obvious crush on Flaky wasn't the way to go, especially when there was a perverted moose to destroy.

"Why not? You've dated half the town behind Cuddles' back, what's one fake relationship?" Petunia remarked. Giggles couldn't hide the hurt look the comment produced. That was a low blow if ever she heard one, and was so unexpected coming from Petunia—her best friend!

"They were moments of weakness when Cuddles decided getting killed playing nail gun fight with Toothy was more important than spending Valentine's Day with me!" Giggles defended herself, nearly flinching at hearing the trembling note in her voice.

"Sure, whatever you say," Petunia dismissed, sliding off the swing. "I need to get home and take a shower anyway." However, just as she was walking away, out of nowhere her head was impaled by a flying golf club and subsequently torn from her body. It thumped grotesquely as it hit the ground, still skewered so that it rested over the putting end of the club.

"Sorry!" a familiar voice cried. Giggles looked to the right and saw The Mole make his was towards where his club lay. He picked it up, Petunia's head still attached to the end, and gave Giggles a wave in the wrong direction. "I'm a little rusty on my game."

"Yeah," Giggles said as she looked into Petunia's glassy eyes still wide with shock from the initial impalement. Although Petunia had been acting rather nasty, it still wasn't satisfying to see her die. If she were Lumpy, then it would be, but it wasn't. As she watched The Mole retreat blindly back over the hill with Petunia's severed head in tow and the skunk's decapitated body twitch in a deepening puddle of blood, panic overtook her. Flippy was here and things like this were a key ingredient to a flip-out. There was no way she was dying right now when her plan was about to begin.

She fearfully looked to her right, expecting to see those monstrous yellow eyes or that jagged-toothed, leering smile, but instead was met with empty air. This didn't calm her down whatsoever, and her eyes frantically searched around. It wasn't uncommon for Flippy to use sneak attacks and kill from behind. It had happened to her twice, both times being with Cuddles. The memory of the dreaded mustard and ketchup incident wracked her body with fear as her pupils shrank to the size of pinpricks, all while looking around the playground desperately. What if he planned to use Petunia's intestines to strangle her like he had with Cuddles' on their camping trip?

"F-Flippy?" she said carefully, backing up a few steps. "Flippy? I know you're angry right now, but think about where you are. Try to remember our talk just now." There was still silence and Giggles turned around, not sure why she hadn't died yet. It wasn't like him to hold off long on killing someone. Then she spotted why.

Flippy was crouched in front of a flower, writing in a notebook as he happily studied a black and white butterfly. He hadn't seen Petunia's death. Giggles let out a sigh of relief, but then realized all he had to do was turn around and she'd be as good as bear chow. She frantically rushed over to him, successfully startling the butterfly away as her shadow cast over it.

"Aw," Flippy said, his expression saddening. "That was a rare species." If Giggles possessed eyebrows she would have raised one at how Sniffles-like he sounded. "I only need two more to complete Butterfly Bingo," he explained when he saw her perplexed face, showing her the chart he drew in his notebook. "My therapist recommended I try a relaxing hobby to get my mind off certain areas." Giggles shook her head roughly to clear her thoughts and latched onto Flippy's arm.

"Oh really? That's great, Flippy, we need to go like now, like right now," she said all at once, pulling him to his feet and practically dragging him out of the playground.

"What about Petunia?" Her eyes stretched as she tried to think of an excuse. She was pretty sure even the slightest mention of death would cause one of Flippy's killing sprees.

"She's busy. She forgot to scrub her couch. You know how she is. OCD and all." Giggles let out a slightly hysterical giggle and continued to tow him along until she felt they were at a safe distance. Finally she stopped and took a moment to breathe, her hands on her knees. She noticed Flippy giving her a concerned look and laughed again. "I'm fine! I'm fine!"

"Are you sure? You're kinda twitchy."

"So, who is your therapist?" Giggles questioned with all the enthusiasm she could muster in hopes to change to subject. Much to her luck, Flippy gave a bright smile Giggles probably would have found attractive if it didn't belong to a lunatic. In fact if it weren't for the lunatic part, with his generally sweet and mildly shy disposition, Flippy would probably have to beat the girls off with a stick. This thought somehow made Giggles feel an ache of sadness. He was such a great friend and everybody knew it. No one in town could bring themselves to really hate Flippy, maybe get cross with him or annoyed by his inconvenient murders, but not hate. How could they hate someone who was so painfully nice and made up for his cruelty in doing potentially stupid or humiliating favors?

"Well, at first I thought he was a phony after he accidentally hypnotized himself, but as of late, he's really helped me!" Flippy's smile didn't fade and his eyes were bright and sane. For once, she was genuinely glad to hear his good news.

"I'm honestly happy to hear you're doing better," she said with a smile. "And thank you again for helping me, it means a lot."

"You're welcome, anything for a friend!" he chirped cheerfully then added in the same tone, "Especially one I seem to enjoy murdering in the most gruesome ways imaginable! I wonder if I've cracked open your skull eaten your brain yet! Evil is quite the little minx! Always getting into mischief!" Her smile shriveled into a nervous line and her eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. For some reason, that sounded a lot creepier than it should have. Flippy mimicked her expression and leaned in a little too close. "You know he talks to me from inside my own mind," He whispered, placing his hands on her shoulders. "He tells me things."

"Well, aren't you lucky?" Giggles responded, her voice a tad higher than normal. The green bear blinked owlishly and she attempted to lean back, only to be pinned by his hands. His face was only a few inches away from hers and he seemed to only get uncomfortably closer.

"He tells me you smell like flowers."

"H-How sweet."

"He hates flowers."

The awkward silence that followed was loud enough to clear a ballroom and an inexplicable tumbleweed rolled by.

"S-So, who's your therapist again?" she questioned hastily, hoping to divert the subject to a saner topic. Flippy's eyes closed as he gave an adorable giggle of his own, thankfully releasing her. He looked sane again, but the chipmunk couldn't help but think she heard a twinge of cruelty in that deceptively sweet laugh of his. Perhaps she went too far calling him repulsive and insane to his face. "D-Do I know him?"

"But of course," Flippy confirmed.

"S-So…who is it?"

"Lumpy!"

Again, Giggles felt that involuntary twitch in her lower left eyelid.

* * *

I have a feeling even Flippy's nice side is kind of creepy, you know, that person who's always _too _nice? It's like they're hiding something...

Hoped you like it! Next chapter is gore and more antics! Giggles, you little minx! There are still many cookies and funnel cake to have!


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